How do you deal with a child who gets overly excited when he sees other kids (babies, kids older, smaller, taller, younger) he immediately goes over and...pushes, pulls, takes toys, touches, hugs and kisses and just plain goes nuts! I have tried: Anticipating when he'll get in the destruction mode by staying close and re-directing his actions. Yeah that works the first 20 billion times but, then it's that one time, I'll turn around to chat with a mom and then you'll hear this screaching noise (some kid squealing because my son has...hugged, kissed, pushed, taken their toy or whatever you can think of)
Geez, I'm starting to feel like I have to HOVER over this kid when we go out in public just to avoid the toddler fights.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's NOT the only kid in the room acting up but, this type of behavior really bugs me to the core! Especially since it's my kid. I cannot stand it sometimes, I just gather our stuff and we're out the door!
I give him the 'talk' BEFORE we get out of the car and or when he sees friends and gets that "gleam" in his eye--
Now, what did mommy say:
DJ: Don't hit friends?
Me: Yes! Please Don't hit friends, OK? ( I also want to say, NO hugging, kissing, touching either)
DJ: Ok Mommy!
note: (i'm beginning to realize that's just his way of saying yeah ok woman let's just get on with the business already!)
It never fails, there's a struggle for toys, space, everything when a group of kids are around. I'm at my wits end. The one thing that really bugs me is his overly affectionate behavior. Sounds weird but, it's very true. I cringe every time my son goes over to hug, kiss, or touch another kid. Come on now, enough is enough already. I wish he would just parellel play so we can have a nice playdate---But, what do you say? DO NOT hug or kiss that kid are you nuts? You've avoided all this nasty cold crap plague going around thus far, why mess up a good thing?--Don't kiss that kid!!!!!!------See, that isn't very nice. So, I tell him: Say Hi- Nice to meet you! Shake hands! ---
Geez, what am I doing wrong? How do I get my toddler to just keep his hands to himself?
He's 2 years old (born october 2004)
I really need your honest ADVICE/OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS--Don't hold back!
22 comments:
I really have no experience with this--both of my children were always very reserved in public until they were older, and while they're friendly now they're not overly so.
Perhaps he needs to be told by someone else? Perhaps if one of those mommies told him in a stern voice "please leave my child alone. you're scaring him." that would do the trick? You could set it up so that someone you're familiar with could do it...
Hey Tanyetta! It's me Claudia. (Remember we met at Kinkos and then saw each other at the bookstore and park once or twice) I feel for your situation as me being a parent who doesn't like her daughter touching or anything or running her hands against stuff. I can really relate to your discomfort when your son touches other kids a lot. That would really bother me too. I read what you have to say and you don't mention anything about discipline. It is great that you talk to your son about not hitting and he seems to understand and agree, but he dosn't follow through. That's when the discipline comes in. If you're at the park and he does it, pull him aside and don't let him play for a while. He'll be on time out while the other kids play and he won't like it. Kids are little smarties, especially yours. Eventually he will understand that if he dosn't do what mommy says and wants him to do then he will not be able to play/see his friends/get rewards.
Verbal discipline works great with my daughter. She is usually very well behaved but when she dosn't act right I just end it right there by not letting her play and she comes to understand that if she dosn't listen then we won't be going to the park anymore. Or we won't be visiting that friend or certain place anymore because she won't listen. Eventually they will learn. Don't get mad at the comparison, but it's like training a puppy. You have to be consistent and follow through with the discipline. I hope this helps and you find the answer you are looking for!
That's a tough one. On the one hand, boys are so often taught not to be huggy and kissy, and then they aren't that way as men, either. But then again, you want your son to understand that not everyone likes to be hugged and kissed all the time.
He's so young now, I don't know that he can really understand, yet. I think for now, you are going to have to stick close to him when you go to the playground, or sit down on the floor next to him during playdates, and help him control his impulses. Ask the other kid he's playing with "is it OK if DJ gives you a hug?", and then have it end there. Let us know how it works out!
I kind of agree with Elizabeth's rationale. It seems that you might have to stick close to him for a while and just keep correcting him.
Cody did the same thing, and I had to stick close. I know when I didn't stick close, he actually bit a kid once. And likewise, he got bit too. And that took care of that issue.
As he got a little older one thing that really worked for us was role playing. We let him watch and then participate as to what was and was not appropriate behavior. I think that worked best actually, he thought it was fun and really understood it.
And as he got older we started doing time outs, those really worked because he hated to sit still.
He lady, you know I don't have any children YET! but, I would suggest a little more disicline. I'm sure he means well and may not fully understand his boundries. I'm not saying beat your child but perhaps a stronger tone when you talk to him. And him being affectionate to me is the result of coming from a loving home, plus he's such a hamm!
I think at this stage you really going to have to "hover" over him for the time being. I would suggest doing role play with his stuffed animals or other people. I would try to teach him "gentle" and then show him what gentle is not. That way, when you're in public you could say: "Remember, we're being gentle" or however you would want to phase it. Or even when he isn't being gentle, maybe you can show him how he should do. It won't happen overnight and may even takes a few weeks for him to catch on. It sounds to me like he's not trying to be mean to the kids but just needs to learn how to be loving in a more non threatening way. If you feel as if parents are offended by his hugs and kisses, maybe encourage him to pat someone on the back instead.
Remember, as you've read on my site, and from parenting your oldest, this is just a phase. It will get better and in 6 months, it'll just be something else!
My internet has been down for two days and I'm using
Tim's/
excuse typos.
I'd remove him from the situation after the second warning.
Take him home and skip a day before you go back.
Completely agree with Granny!
While this behavior is somewhat normal for toddlers, it doesn't mean it's acceptable!
Also, when Daddy comes home, daddy will probably tell him not to do it, and he wont. Ever again.
As a Single Guy I am clueless. But this sounds like the kid I was! :-)
Alexis is like that with Nelson (her cousin). If he has it, she wants it. He constantly wants to hug her and she's not that into it, but I finally got her to stop pushing him over when he tried to hug her. I think it just takes saying it over and over and over and over and over and over again until you think you're going to go nuts by repeating yourself! Also making Alexis sit in time out helped too. She HATES to sit still, so if she's forced to do so she gets the picture. Just figure out DJs time out (i.e. what gets to him the most) and be consitent about it. Eventually he'll get it. Until then find your Mommy happy place and go there often! ;)
Hang in there! Let us know how it goes!
I'll have to read the advice you get, because I SWEAR our sons must be twins! He does the exact same thing!
I have NO idea and to be quite honest your making me nervous about when my time comes with my kid at that age! Mike G.
My kid likes to bite the ones he loves... I wish I could help.
I don't have a toddler, yet, but I'm sure you totally want my advice anyway, right? Because what could be better than an armchair parent telling you how to raise your child?
But, really, I was just going to recommend a book. I'm reading Happiest Toddler on the Block in anticipation of Alliclaus' first birthday this month and I'm finding it chock full of things I wouldn't have thought to try on my own. There's also a DVD version, I think.
My son is very affectionate at well and loves to give kisses and hugs. I am always there to make sure that it doesn't get out of hand, but right now I am not trying to discourage being sweet either. We usually just say "Oh you are being so sweet..." And then he gets the attention he wants and moves on...
Good luck- you are not alone!
This sounds like my Joey. He does this with his friend Cooper. One minute they're playing, the next minute Joey has his arms wrapped around his neck and thet're on the ground. It's a tough situation because one the one hand I want to encourage him to be loving, and I also want him to understand boundries. I usually try and stay close by and when he looks like he's going in for a hug I say, "Let's ask Cooper if he wants a hug." Then we ask and we make sure we give a gentle hug. Or if it looks like there is going to be hitting I pull him back and tell him to say, "I'm mad." Or have him hit a pillow. Of course for every time I catch him, there are times I don't. Joey doesn't understand timeout yet, but maybe DJ would. DJ is so social, the worst punishment would be to sit on the sidelines and watch others play for 3 minutes. Sometimes it also helps when Cooper's mom tells him to stop.
EBoy went through this phase to some extent but instead of hugging and loving it was shoving and taking stuff. It takes lots of hovering and to be honest nothing I did really worked. He finally had to outgrow it on his own. All of the talking eventually worked but it was a long long embarrasing period of life before he outgrew it. ETot is definitely all about "mine" and taking things but thankfully doesn't seem to mess with children unless he already knows them. I'll be praying that DJ gets through this stage quickly so that Mommy can relax and enjoy playdates again!
Becca is very reserved with big groups so I have not experienced this first hand. However, when other kids have been too aggressive with their advances the most effective route for mom's I have witnessed is to remove the child for a minute till they are calm. Explain to DJ that he is welcome to join the other kids once he has calmed down. It may take a few times, but I think he will understand that there is a consequence to overdoing it.
It's Judy your long lost LLL bud.I'll catch you up w/ my world later but you picked a hot one.Totally normal at this age, just needs some gentle guidance.Love "the princess'" advice.Brandon is almost 2 1/2 and we taught him before baby sister came w/a stuffed animal to be gentle.I would role play "meeting people" with real kids he knows too.& REWARD REWARD REWARD when he gets it right.I think punishing him for being himself is a bad idea.Waving & a gentle pat on the back would be appropriete I think.Make it an all day game w/ a friend and their toddler.(Or as long as you can stand it.)
I have no answers for you, T still pushes and hits his best buddy all the time.
Hello Tanyetta,
I saw a comment by you on TWC and was reading through your site. I have a four year old and a two (almost 3) year old. One thing that has worked wonders for me is what the boys had learned in their parent-child class. They both did a Friday morning class at our local Montessori school. The method they teach there is not that they are supposed to share, but to take turns.
A two year old taking turns, yeah right?! It takes a little while to sink in but it works! Here's how it happens, if one child wants a toy or activity that another child is working on, they ask to "help." If the child says yes then they can jump in, if the child says no, then they have to wait until the other child is finished and then can use the materials. This does two things, it lets the child who is originally using the materials know that it is OK to say no and it lets the child asking know that this time they have to wait and they can either use it later or next time they can be "helpers."
Like I said, it doesn't happen overnight. But, it does happen. My son now has a sense that it is OK to say no to other children if he doesn't want their "help" and he knows that he can wait for another child to finish and then it's his turn. I started this when he was 2 1/2 and it took a few weeks of practice but now there is hardly any problems. He's even good at handing over work or toys that he's using and taking turns.
hmmm, aaron is still like this, and we got his school to try and teach him not to be that way, but it's not working. I am not sure what to do either because we have also had issues with this as well...
We tell him all the time, but it doesnt seem to help...
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