Kids remember and know more than we give them credit for sometimes.
We went to the park yesterday. We try to go every night after dinner. It's a great way to recap the day on our walk and to give DJ time to run wild and tire himself out for bedtime.
There's a dried up stream near the park and the boys were walking down by the part where the water used to be.
I was at the top on the bridge so I didn't hear this conversation but, when Darrin told me about their conversation, my heart just melted.
While looking at the dried up stream:
DJ: Where's the fish daddy?
Daddy: The fish died.
DJ: Like Paulie?
Daddy: Yes, like Paulie.
Remember this?
Well, needless to say Paulie died about a month later. It wasn't a big deal or so I thought. Paulie died, I flushed him and we moved on. Or did we?
Wow, what a moment. I feel really sad now. I flushed the fish and didn't make a big announcement about it. I didn't even bother to post about it and ya'll know I post about everything else in my life.
It was ONLY a fish. Right?
DJ woke up the next morning to greet Paulie and I casually mentioned that Paulie died. He said, "Paulie died?" I said, "Yes, Paulie died. Do you want breakfast? He ate his breakfast, we went on with our day, he didn't say much more about it, so I let it go.
Who knew my baby would still remember his beloved Paulie.
I learned a valuable lesson. It did affect my son and he would NEVER forget Paulie.
Question: Have you ever dealt with loss and explaining it to and a child? How did you handle it? What do you think I could've done differently?
10 comments:
1st that is the sweetest picture ever! I think it is good that he remembers. byt I think it is also good that you did not make too much of a big deal about death to him at this age. That is just my 2 cents. I haven't had to explain death to a child yet. I am curious to hear other answers.
I would tell him the truth about the death and explain to him that animals don't live forever.
Kids just want simple explanations. Death and sex don't have to be big talks. Just give him a few lines and answer his questions. That way he will understand a little bit more. Better than him making an assumption that is wrong. Mark hasn't asked about death yet. But he has learned how to treat nature with respect.
This is actually a good sign, I think. It shows that DJ is compassionate. He cares about things. Mark flipped out the other day because Thomas the Train had a crash on TV. He started crying and screaming "Oh no! Oh no!" I showed him that everyone was OK, they just made a mess. He showed heartfelt compassion.
With my son, it helped a lot to talk about resurrection and then he knew that this wasn't the end for us.
OMG!!! I LOVE that photo. :-D
I've definitely had to deal with explaining to my son a time or two that a pet of his has died.
My son however is older than yours is and after a couple of basic questions, was pretty accepting of things as they were so for me, it was a breeze.
We've had a couple of pet burials but I doubt my son even remembers them.
You have such a bright an adorable little boy!!
first of all that kid's face is just so adorable!
I have never had to explain death to a child but I really have to agree that they can be quite remarkable with remembering things that adults let slip by. Thanks for sharing this...
My nephew is only two and he remembers everything. I pretended to snore and he wanted me to keep doing that the whole visit. I pretended that putting him in the car seat was a struggle, and now he makes the same noises. We told him Oma has an owie, and he has been so cautious around my mom.
One day, we will probably have to talk about loss with him, because his mom died when he was 4 1/2 months old. But in the beginning, it will probably just be that Mommy is in heaven.
Your son is REALLY cute, btw.
Aww, I just want to kiss his sweet little face and then return him to his rightful owner! LOL!! You are so right about what these kids know and remember, amazing!
I LOVE that picture. He looks so sweet.
I am not yet at that point where I have to explain stuff to my kid but telling the truth in a gentle way seems to be the best go about it.
1st thing first, that picture is sooooooooooo cute!!! (LOL)
Second, I think that its better to explain to him the death of the fish and explain to him that it was time for the fish to go. Gradually, he would probably understand, and he'll be able to move on, in time.... =)
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