I know this blog is almost always about our toddler but, today, I've decided to switch up the pitch and discuss our daughter! Look at the face, such a sweet young lady! Super smart, outgoing, very friendly and always on point to help around the house! There's NO complaints in that department.You know sometimes your kids will listen to total strangers before they believe a word of advice from their parents.
With that said, I need your help!
Please!!! someone post and explain to this girl why she should NOT 'wait' a year to continue her college education. Even if she does take time OFF can someone please share their 'taking time off' experiences too!!!
She just recently finished her Associates Degree credits at Community and needs to transfer to get her Bachelor's Degree. If you ask her what she plans to do, her audible responses becomes a Negative 2 and you have to strain to hear the explanation of what she plans to do.
I've already threatened to call her Upward Bound counselor's from High School! Imagine their shock to receive a phone call that one of their former students are 'sitting on the fence' and chickening out on furthering her education!
I'm evil with my threats but, I MEAN WELL!!! HaHa!!
She has already stated that she does NOT want to move out. Funny, most kids her age are dying to move out and probably have already done so. Not my child! She is quite comfortable living free off the land. Her friend's come to visit and state they'd like to move in too. What in the world!!
I told her she is far too young and smart to NOT finish college to at least get her Bachelor's degree. Especially since she still lives at home, it would be cost effective to get it done NOW before she really gets into the 'real' world of bills, etc... I talked to D about it and he agrees with my scheme to just sign her up and just drop her off at this lovely PLACE!
Geez, do we have to get that brutal? What's the worst that can happen? She'll complain to her friends that her parent's MADE her go to college? We're so MEAN!
Somebody please, talk to this girl. I have a headache. She reads this blog so, please be as open as possible. Hopefully someone will get through to her. I'm off to get my liquid relief.
Questions: What are your thoughts? Do you think she should continue her education? Did you attend college? If so, where and do you think you've been given more opportunities with having that piece of paper in hand? Did you wait out a semester or two or ten and then went on to finish later? I'm OPEN to all feedback!
This is an open forum for discussion. I'm a momma to a 19 year old! I believe it takes a Village so, I'm calling on everyone!! Please respond!!
32 comments:
She needs to continue on and finish her education. Jobs for peoplethese days without an education suck.
I felt the same need to explore, but I'm glad my folks made me finish college! You can explore options a lot more with a four year degree.
A bachelor's degree in liberal arts is one of the most versatile, and a ticket just about anywhere. You are much more limited with a two year degree. Not as many doors are open; not as many options. And something else my momma always told me...an education is forever; no one can ever take that away from you. A degree never expires, you have it for life.
Also, woman tend to get paid less than men(even in the same jobs)...yes, this is true, and you'll find out when you get out there! So you need more to get farther.
Yes listen to your parents they are right! I would finish my education because you will start to see other people your same age with their masters before you know it. I sure do, everyone these days are completing their masters degree in their 20's. Shoot, reach for the stars, go for your PhD :)
Well, I have to be honest... I took two years off between my sophomore and junior years of college (I went to a 4-year school), and I am very grateful for those two years off.
I know that isn't what you want to hear!! But I just want to share my experience.
I have talked to a lot of people about going straight through 4 years of college right out of high school, and most agree that it's not necessarily the right path for everyone.
Everyone is basically expected to go through 12 years of school, and then BANG! right into 4 years of college, starting when you're 17 or 18 years old. And at that young age you're expected to just know what direction you want your life to go in.
Don't get me wrong. I believe education is EXTREMELY important. And I am so grateful for my bachelor's degree. But those two years between my sophomore and junior years, a time I spent working odd jobs (waitress, in a college admissions office, etc.) really showed me just HOW important it really was for me to finish.
If I hadn't taken that time off, I seriously would have just gone through the motions of school, seeing it more as a chore than anything else. But when I decided that I wanted to go back and finish - for ME, not anyone else - that's when it really started to mean something for me. I was working hard for myself, for my education, so that I didn't have to work at the types of jobs I had and didn't enjoy during my time off.
My parents, I am sure, weren't thrilled with me taking time off, but they supported me and encouraged me. I don't know if your daughter is like me, but I am the type of person who doesn't like being told what to do. If my parents had insisted I stay in school, I would have resented them and probably not have tried as hard in my studies.
Of course, everyone is different. But if you're willing to let your daughter take some time off and see for herself just how valuable a college education is, I would recommend it. Not freeloading off of you and taking advantage of you, of course... but working and seeing just how hard it is to support yourself. It will probably show her that getting her degree is in her best interest.
Wow, this is a really long comment! I am sorry! Let me know if you have any other questions about my experience. I'd be happy to share with you! :)
Jane, P&B Girls
Well. It's definitely a personal decision. I have a bachelors degree and I'm 3 credit hours away from a Masters. Neither of my brothers have a single college credit to their name. The both make more $$ than I do :-)
That said, I think that if she's planning on going on, it will be more difficult to go back after a year off. The year may stretch to 2, then 3, and then there you are 10 years later and still no degree. It may not happen that way, but if you let the opportunity knock the door can open.
I say finish up, especially if the parents are willing to let you live at home and pay the rent! It may not always be that simple in life!
P.S.
I took "1 year off"..shoot, that was 4 years ago!!! Now I'm an Army wife, a mother and at 25 years old, still no Bachelor degree in my hand, but when I do finish my last year it will have its challenges because my family is my first priority. Deployments to Iraq don't help the situation either...finish it up while you're single, young & have parents helping you out. Time flies.
It took me 10 years going to school off and on to get my degree. I had a child after my second year of college. It is hard out there and it gets harder if you put it off.
Tell her to go half time and work. If you don't use it you lose it or at least it is a challenge to get back into it.
My advice to you is to not take the time off from school. You will regret it. But the real truth is that you must choose a major that will land you a job afterwords or you will be working at McDonald's. These majors that you cannot find a job except teaching are english,history etc. On the other hand engineering, health care like nursing, and others will start you with good money and experience. I like being an officer in the military so go out and help someone!!!
Repeat to her one of my favorite quotes which is "NEVER put off till tomorrow that which you can do today".
Trust me...I'm living proof of that--Truth is i've been saying I'm going to go back to school for about 10 years now!
Besides, I gotta agree with creoleindc in that jobs for people without a decent education are the worst!
It is a personal decision ultimately...but some of us have been around the block a few times and we know a bit about how stuff works.
John Lennon said in the song "Beautiful Boy", he said..."Life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans."
Truth is if you defer for a year, other stuff will happen. You may never ever get there.
Take the chance while you've got it.
I ended up taking a year off after school before going to university (I think the system in the UK is kind of different to the US) and it turned out to be a positive thing for me because it made me appreciate university a hell of alot more than I would have done had a gone straight from school. For a year I worked in a hotel and a pub and basically saw what life would hold for me if I didn`t continue my education. I had some good times but at the end of the day, I realised that I wanted to do something different with my life and that made me far more dedicated to graduating when I went back to studying.
Like everyone says, it is a personal decision but everyone is right, further education is something that no-one can take away from you and although I didn`t make much use of mine for a while, it has been the reason I managed to find a job in London with relative ease. Good luck with working it all out!
PS- I will be 30 in January and I have to say that I am kind of ashamed that I STILL don`t really know what I want to do with my life!!
Dearest Daughter,
This is Tee-Tee Divine...Sit down dear child with a pen and paper...This is an essay.
Here are some questions that should help you make your decision?
1. What job are you going to apply for with an AA?
2. What will be your monthly expenses? (Because I am telling you .....staying at home with Momma and Daddy is not an option since you want to be grown....For example, grown folks don't have a year off from life-Real Talk)
3. Will your job (take home income after taxes) cover your rent, food, insurance (How much will your insurance cost you, if you company does not offer a plan?), internet, cell phone, and clothes?
4. Did you fill out the FASFA yet?
5. What will a gap and drop in your reported income will affect your financial aid?
6. How are you going to feel being the 20 in a classroom full of 17 and 18 year olds that have a whole academic year AHEAD of you?
7. Who wants a 20 year OLD roommate their freshman year of college? NOBODY
8. What if you actually make good money and have to give up your lifestyle to go back to school? (That would mean, no fresh clothes, give up the nice car, no movies on Friday nights, no sushi bars, no manicure and pedi's every week...You will have to eat oodles of noodles in college) How are you going to handle/adjust that?
9. Why can't you go to a university and work for this year? Why is that impossible?
10. Do you think your parents are stupid?
11. Your answer should be no, then why are you resisting their wisdom?
12. Do you have to be hit by a truck to realize it can crush your bones and to know it hurts?
13. Is the world going to take a year off and wait for you to come back into it?
Now, here is the only reason why I would say yeah, go take a year off. Save up some money and travel to at least five countries and learn two languages in your one year off. Did you hear me? Staying home is not an option....living in the same state is not an option. Yes, Love, you must get up and learn about life in this next year...in other countries (as in multiple and Canada doesn't count). I am talking about maybe starting in France...go teach English for a few months. Then move on to Japan working as teacher. Then I would suggest you visit at least Egypt.
My point is, in the real year....it doesn't stop or pause for a year off. The year must count...and is doesn't count working for less than $10 a hour, staying at home, hanging with the same crowd. As a young, single, childfree woman...the world is your oyster but you got to go get it. The world ain't sitting on your Momma's dinning room table. You have to go get it, and learn from it, and own the world...you can't do it from home. You time being a child is over (its your brother's turn)...time to be a woman.
Leave, explore, learn...grow (living and WORKING abroad)...then your year will be very valuable. Then, after a year, your resume and perspective will be lightyears ahead of students that just staying in a classroom for a year.
In your freshman lit courses, you would be able to reflect on the real places you saw, smelled, and the food that is references in the novels.
But if you won't do travel, work, and learn....then get you behind in a university classroom....then go study abroad for at least a year to two.
There ain't no half steppin'. (As us ole folks would say)
With Tons of Respect,
Tee-Tee Divine
this is a tough one!
i went to college and law school, stright through, with no time off in between. and i'm glad i did it! everyone is different but it worked for me and my sister.
i would really try to drill down and find out why she wants to take time off. is she just tired of school? if that's the case, she could take a light course load - even just one class. does she want to work so that she can make money? if so, she can get a part-time job while in school (i did) and have the best of both worlds. is she unsure of her career path? college is the best place to work out that indecision! you can change majors, do internships, take classes you have an interest in...the possibilities are endless! Does she not like the university she would be transferring to? She should visit others until she finds one that fits.
this is such an important decision and it needs to be made with her understanding the consequences. once you get off the "track" it might very well be next to impossible to get "back on."
my cousin took some time off. it was the worst decision he's ever made. he lost precious years and is now a mature student trying to finish his degree. he's 28 and of course the oldest in his class and he hates that. also, he now has other financial obligations such that he has to work to support himself AND go to class. so he can only take about 1 class a semester and it's going to take him a while before he finishes. it's making him depressed, I think.
college rocks! she should go now while life is good and her problems are few.
good luck....
I must say...I wish I would have taken time off to get perspective on what it is I REALLY wanted to do. Time off can offer you the space to gain that perspective. Saves time and money when you KNOW what you want. I went straight to school and kept going and going...because it was the 'right' thing to do....and eventually became frustrated and confused. Hours and hours and thousands of dollars later, I realized I was working and working but had no direction...no aim. I was in college...but for what??? If she is not a lazy young lady...and as smart as you say...I would trust her to 'know' what it is she needs right now.
After leaving college, I decided to take a year out before heading to University. Looking back, I don't actually know why i decided to do this....however, it was during this year, that I realised that I did not want to continue on the career path that I had intended to and am now heading down another path.
Had I not have taken the year out, I would have spent many years (and shed loadsa money) heading towards something I didn't want (though the qualifications I earned at college I can still use should I wish to.)
On the flipside though...taking that break in education has caused me to lose motivation. After my 'year out' I waited another year before heading back to college to a crap course that was useless to me...3 years on, as a result of moving out and having less money, I have struggled to get back into education....now, I do worry that I've left it late,and I do wish I'd known what I wanted 6 years ago, as I wouldn't have taken the break.
My advice to your daughter would be to keep going...go on to to the bachelor's degree...she's in the best situation right now, and most importantly has the encouragement and support from her parents....I wish I had that!!
I know 20 people who took time out and never went back and then later said it was their BIGGEST REGRET. Then there is 1 bloke who intentionally passed on college to become a millionaire. And he did.
To be safe, I went to college.
Time out can be taken ANYTIME. After college. Otherwise, you lose momentum. And you have to drag yourself back. No fun.
I decided to take one year off after my sophomore year and it ended up taking me 10 years to get a 4 year degree. If I could turn back time that would be the one thing I would change. I honestly thought 1 year off would be easy to do, I'd save up some money, blah, blah, blah. But it was really hard for me to go back after that. 1 year turned into more.
Now that being said, everyone is different and it is really hard to say what's best for someone else. Maybe she really needs a break. But I think it's easier just to work hard and get it done rather than stopping in the middle. Good luck with your choice.
I did my 2 degrees in 7 straight years. If I'd stopped and taken a break, I don't think I'd have even one. Once she has her degree, she has more options. Plain and simple. And everyone is right, it is MUCH easier to go to school when your responsibilities are at a minimum and your parental support is at a maximum. That's just common sense.
Maybe she's feeling a little burned out and wanting a break? Fine, take a lighter course load or maybe a course or two outside her area for a change of pace, but don't stop to take a year off. It is just too hard to go back once you're out of that rhythm.
Best of luck!
I agree with everyone. If you are not ready for college it can be a waste, but time flies and there is something to be said about just getting it over with.
I went out of high school, but was not ready and dropped out for a semester. Only to realize the real world sucked and I went back to finish my degree.
first, you have a GORGEOUS daughter. i went straight after college at hampton university and i can never be more glad that i did. the longer you wait for undergrad, the harder it is to connect with your classmates. you want that comraderie b/c it will never be the same. there will never be a time in your life where you are surrounded by people your same age working toward the same goal: an education. embrace this time and you will love yourself for it. it's fantastic. going to school makes you appreciate yourself, learn yourself, and appreciate your parents.... even if you don't want to. i love my school and the things i learned and people i met there. i don't regret a single second.
for grad school... i think its good that i've taken the time off that i have. i needed this time to grow.
and tanyetta... please drop me off at that school!!! hahahaha. there is nothing like being at a campus like that. fab!!
also... i love you for posting this.
I'm the wrong one to ask because I had a terrible experience at college. I went without knowing what I wanted to do or any direction. All I wanted to do was get out the house #1 and #2 make mommy proud. I didn't have my circle of friends (for support) as they went off to another school. I wasted 2 years doing something that I wasn't happy doing and I was only doing it to keep my mother happy. After standing up and explaining myself she understands. I don't have the desire to go back, but I'm living on my own and working on various business ventures.
It's only natural to push your kids to do more than you have or for them to not make the mistakes that you have made. I'm going to teach my kids to go to college because they truly want to, and if something is going wrong don't think I'll be disappointed. My mother is still proud of me and tells me that she's happy that I'm happy now. I am a hell of a lot happier than I was when I was in school.
I got so caught up in my comment, I forgot to say that your daughter is beautiful!
Here's the deal, I took a few years off college and I am kicking myself because I could be done already! Now I am having to do everything else plus take my classes as well when it could have been a lot easier.
Yeah, it's a stressful few years but totally worth it when it's all said in done. You learn a lot more than you think you will and you'll make the kind of money you deserve. You shouldn't have to settle because you wanted to take some time off.
Maybe there there is a comprimise here? Maybe continuing classes year round but not doing a full load so you can do other things too?
I'm sort of stuck in the same situation as her...except, I got my Bachelors but I had planned to go right into my Masters degree...
Then, I decided that I needed a break from school. I had been in some form of educational institution since before I was 5 and wanted to have a break from it. So I did that, worked full time (live at home though, to save up money for school), and well, I hate my job...I want to go back but at the same time I've sort of lost that motivation.
Once you take a break from something, it's REALLY hard to get back into that groove again. She might have all the intentions in the world to spend the next year working and applying to a four year...but in the mean time, she will probably sit there and start thinking about everything she could be doing besides going to school...or decide that she just doesn't know what she wants to study. That's why it's important that she goes right into school...she can always change majors.
Here's my two cents. Please dont be made.
She's 19 and she's smart (btw I LOVE the picture she is too cute in those glasses)
Oh back to the serious stuff, she's smart and I say let her take a year off, she'll want to go to school when she realizes she needs too to get a good job OR she'll be smart enough to find her way. Grant it there are not a lot of opportunities for non college grads, but maybe she wants to do something differnet. My thoughts are maybe she feels like she isn't ready, and if she is not truly ready can she do well just because you force her?
I am not telling you what to do, I don't have an 19 year old, but my experience was when I graduated high school the day after my actual graduation I started a job at the post office sorting and unloading mail trucks in a postal warehouse place. I'm talking rough dirty man work.... I made good money for an 18 year old, but you know what, my mom made me take on a household bill and pay my own way for every thing even though I stayed at home, and I realized it was hard, and not only that, I did not want to do manual labor for the rest of my life, and I took my butt to school, 14 months later. I learned a lot in the year trying to find myself, I feel in love for the first time and had my heart broken, learned how to manage my money (still learning that) girl I learned a lot! But I did go to school.
I said all that to say this, maybe give her a year or if that is too much maybe give her til january.
It is a personal decision and one that shouldn't be made lightly. I went to college all the way thru and completed both an Associates and Bachelor's. Never mind the fact that the career path I'm working now has NOTHING to do with either one of my degrees.
I've been blessed. I attended a private college and tuition was very expensive. I pretty much had a free ride my 6 years there and left with only 5k in loans.
My brother on the other hand, left college 1 semester shy of graduation due to listening to the dumb advice of his financial advisor who told him to drop out until he can pay back all his loans. He always said I'll work off my debt and go back. Long story short, he's attempted to try the whole go back to school thing but he was unsuccessfully able to finish his degree at another school b/c the previous school wouldnt release his transcript until all debts were paid.
So now he has this silly idea that a degree is just a piece of paper and it does not affect your income. Never mind the fact that his girlfriend and I both have Bachelor's degrees and he's making more money than us!
Even if you are unsure what you want to do with your life/career path, go to college anyway. Preferably out of state. Those were the best years of my life and I met some of the most amazing friends, some whom I'm still close with today. I have been exposed to many different experiences, cultures, travels, and opportunities that I would never had been exposed to if I took a different path. Honey, you got the rest of your life to be "grown". Take it while the getting it good and while mommy and daddy's offer is still hot and fresh on the table.
I like everyone's comments. I agree with Shai, your daughter can go part time. I believe your daughter may be experiencing a little burn out. All those books and papers and research!! She may feel she needs a break before continuing on. And she may not be quite sure where her career path lies. If she's working, she should not only be helping with household chores but also contributing financially as well.
Bravo divinelavender! Wish I had your reinforcement when my daughter had the same bonehead idea. The only thing I'd add is to support her no matter what. Now she regrets her decision but she made her bed. She knows me and her dad still have her back but she's got to hump it on her own now. Moving back home at this point is only a temporary option because it causes too much separation anxiety for my little boys when she leaves. She was 14 when my oldest son was born so when she left for school he was a wreck. The youngest not so much because he was only 6mos old. I don't want to deal with that again.
Babygirl if at all possible press on until you at least get the Bachelor Degree under your belt unless your life plans don't include higher education than what you've attained. Godspeed and best of luck to you!
PS - Mommy knows best. ;)
It could be burnout. With that being said.
I took some time off and it was not completely a bad thing. She just has to make up in her mind what she really wants. I only took a semester off. But, I also had major burn out. I got a breather and I was back in the saddle.
No, no, no! Please stay in school. You must consider the big picture and your future. You don't want to struggle through life, wishing you had stayed in school. I have a few friends who have taken breaks with the intention of returning, but some failed to do while others are still trying, at 37, to get a degree. By the time you get to that age you definitely want to be some what settled, traveling, etc. Stay home, go to school, and save your money.
Wow I guess I'm super late for this one. So my story will be brief.
I thought that I would do the same exact thing. I went to Community right after graduation, I didn't even wait until after the summer. After I graduated from Community I thought that I would just chill for about a year, since I was burned out from fourteen+ years of school.I thought that I would travel and go away to school the following year, but life has a funny way of panning out.
Let's just say that with nothing to do with my time AND no job, I made some bad decisions. I wound up pregnant, and it basically killed my chances of going off to college the next year.
My son is eleven years old now and I've still have yet to obtain my bachelors degree. I'll be going back to school hopefully soon, but it will be through a continuous education type of program.
This is just what happened to me, I'm sure you will make better judgment calls. This is just to say that when you are not focused, sometimes things don't go as planned.
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