I am the oldest of 3 children. I am the big sister. Even though both of my brothers towered over me in stature, I am the big sister.
Tanyetta-the oldest
Aaron-the middle child
Daniel-the baby
The three of us.
Me-The big sister. The protector. The momma bear to the both of them.
Now, there's only two of us. I have a lump in my throat typing this. I know that I have to get this out so that I am able to get through this weekend. I know that writing can be a form of therapy. It doesn't lessen the pain, it makes the pain bearable to an extent.
It's
so
unfair
to lose the ones you love.
It hurts like hell.
I recently chatted and reminisced with my baby brother, Daniel. He and I reminisced on all the fun times spent with our brother Aaron. Even though he was very young when Aaron passed away, those early years are forever etched in his heart and soul too.
It's been over 30 years and yet and still it feels like yesterday.
It hurts like hell.
It's so unfair.
Despite the fact that I have a blog, I really do have issues sharing too much of my personal life. I know this is one instance that sharing a bit of my personal life just might have a healing impact on someone out there. I really have a feeling, this post just might speak to someone.
I have a feeling, there's someone else out there going through the pain of losing a loved one. I don't wish this feeling on anyone. It's not fair to lose the ones we love. Especially the ones that were great people.
I remember the last time I saw my brother Aaron. I can't help but, to go over this day in my mind, over and over again. If I knew it was going to be my last time seeing him, oh the things I would have told him, oh, the things we could have done, the places we could have gone...
I would have kidnapped him and locked him in my house and never let him out. Well, with all situations, you never know when your time has come and you never know when it will be the last time you'll see a loved one.
Not Fair.
He stopped by my job to say hello on the Friday before Father's Day. I will NEVER EVER forget that day. We went to lunch and walked to Woolworth's on Broad Street where he bought me a house warming present.
Dish Towels.
Some raggedy "A" Dish Towels.
The joke is only funny if he were here to tell the story. Man, I wish he was here.
We cracked up over those towels because he said he knew how much I hated washing dishes and maybe these would encourage me to like doing them. FAIL! I still hate washing dishes!
LOL
He always knew how to make me laugh. He always had a kind word for EVERYONE! If you knew him, you knew a great great person. I am not just saying this because he was my brother.
Trust me.
I told him to come by my house on Sunday for dinner. He joked that I was going to serve Frosted Flakes and bananas. Oh please! You know I can burn in the kitchen and he said, yeah, burn bottles (inside joke) I almost burned down the kitchen sterilizing Danyelle's bottles when she was a baby and he and Darrin never let me live that down.
I miss his laugh. His infectious, hearty, deep from the soul, laugh.
My lunch break was over and I had to get back to work. He gave me the biggest hug and kiss and said he would come over after work on Sunday.
3pm came and went.
4pm came and went.
Time rolled on, I grew worried but, not to the point where I thought something was wrong. I figured he was just running late. You know, CP time. He'll be here soon.
He never showed up.
My close friends were over and thankfully they were there when I received the news. It's all still a blur. I have yet to really re-live that day without feeling a burn in my heart about it.
He's gone.
He never showed up.
He never called.
I made his favorite meal.
He's on his way.
He never showed up.
My brother, my other half, my lifeline had passed away. It was a swimming accident where he drowned and wasn't revived in time. So yeah, when I tell people I have issues with the water and anything to do with swimming, imma need you to back up off me.
He never showed up.
I miss you Aaron Delmar.
I miss your laugh.
I miss your gentle spirit.
I miss your kind heart.
I miss your humbleness.
I miss your hugs.
I miss you so much.
I miss you.
In loving memory of my brother,
Aaron Delmar Wilson
July 13, 1971-June 17, 1990
I love you.
Time may or may not heal all wounds, I'm not sure how I feel about that statement so, I won't cosign 100% on it, I can say that with time, I've learned to appreciate the time I did have to spend with my brother. As short lived as it was, I was given the most beautiful and kind hearted sibling anyone could ever have. For that, I am forever grateful.
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